A Discourse on Human Stupidity
by GelNimbus
Summary: Elphaba writes an essay for her Ethics Class detailing an alarming trend at Shiz University. Complete with pompous and bloated language!


**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Wicked. Elphaba Thropp wrote this essay for class and merely wanted me to post it for you all.**

Elphaba Thropp

Prof. Dillamond

ETHICS 804

Opinion Paper

1 January 2008

Human Stupidity: Cultural Phenomenon or De-evolution?

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity." --_Otherworld philosopher Albert Einstein_

An alarming trend has been observed in the halls of Shiz University. Students are getting dumber. Pardon the frankness of my previous statement but no other words come to mind to describe the numerous observations that I have made during my tenure here at Shiz. However it is unclear as to whether or not this 'dumbing-down' is a byproduct of current cultural climate, or a symptom of a silent de-evolution of the human brain. This is a major cause for concern as foolish thoughts make people susceptible to manipulation for malicious gains. The aforementioned quote by Sir Einstein speaks to my unswerving motivation to expose this burgeoning problem in the youth of Oz today. For this paper I have chronicled the every day activities of a certain "Subject PINK" in order to further exemplify my point. She is described as a twenty-year old Caucasian female with blonde hair and in good health. For safety reasons her name will not be disclosed. This paper will highlight my most important observations concerning the retrogression of human intellectual capacity.

Subject PINK is a very social creature and likes to associate in a pack like society. Within a few hours of initial observation it became apparent that she was the alpha female of the group. Lesser females would verbally challenge her, but could never withstand her onslaught of so-called witty 'comebacks'. She also exhibited a peculiar behavior when provoked. I had noticed that she often prefaced all attacks with a flip of her hair. I have learned that this action is called "toss toss" and is a common movement in her species. Her society also included a gaggle of lesser males as well. The runt of the males has been observed attempting courtship with Subject PINK and failing every time. The extent of this particular male's stupidity was as alarming as the sheer magnitude of rejections that Subject PINK gave him. He has set a new standard for male futility.

When faced with simple puzzles, Subject PINK showed signs of utter perplexity. She failed numerous times to successfully put a square peg into a square hole, and spent the majority of time complaining about how the peg's hue clashed with her gown. However she showed remarkable prowess for coordinating various shades of pink, which leads me to believe this might be a result of culture. I delved deeper into Subject PINK's history and family life. Subject PINK was born and raised in the Upper Uplands by extremely wealthy parents. Now the safe assumption would seem to be that such wealth would allow for the highest quality education in the land, however most of their funds were used for heavy purchasing of clothing articles in various shades of pink. Investigating the records of her extended family and distant relatives also shows an alarming decline in intelligence, eventually resulting in the current IQ level of Subject PINK. When asked about her thoughts on human intelligence Subject PINK simply said "I don't read very well. So I don't think very well either." She hastily adds, "I dress to kill, though!"

In a word as rigidly literal as ours, one would believe that a basic knowledge of things would allow for normal function in society. However so much of our culture has obfuscated basic human intelligence, causing it to wax and wane like the tides, eventually drying up entirely. If the decline of intelligence at Shiz continues to run rampant, this lack of sensibility is ripe for manipulation by strategic rhetoricians who happen to be headmistress of a certain Crage Hall. In fact, should any attempts be made by a certain headmistress to take advantage of human stupidity for her own gain, she will soon find herself answering to my fists. And if there's any resistance while she is under the barrage of my punches I might have to resort to lethal force. How I'd love to maim that geriatric bag of lies…

In conclusion, Animals deserve freedom and everyone other than myself is stupid.

_Elphaba please see me in my office…_


End file.
